Crouch Amirbeaggi: "Smiling for Smiddy" (Donate here)30 October 2015 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
Noosa Triathlon, 1 November 2015
T minus 2 days.
Crikey, there's just 2 days until Australia's favourite liquidators line up with the best of the best of Australia's elite athletes and throw themselves into the Noosa Triathlon.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is no fun run on a carefree warm and balmy lazy Sunday. This is the Olympic distance triathlon that serves as a qualifier for the RIO Olympic Games that is being held in the middle of summer in Australia's harsh tropics!!
1.5K ocean swim
40K bike ride
Whose idea was this?
Those who know often say that of all the disciplines, the triathlon is the most brutal and unforgiving. The reason triathlon hurts so much is the muscles needed for each segment are all different. Put simply, you need to be fit... really fit. Like crazy fit!!
The projected time for our courageous trio (team "Swim O Shabby") to complete the course: 4 hours of blood, sweat and tears (come on Crouchy, stop crying when you trying to bend over and put your shoes on).
Talking of brutal and unforgiving, let's consider...
Couldn't swim 25 metres at the start of the year;
Did not own a bike at the start of the year;
But she has the edge, she's always been a runner, kinda like Forrest Gump if you want to know the truth.
But here's a little tip, never challenge The Shabby, she is the most determined Persian on the planet.
She has trained her little butt off and is in the best shape of her life.
Devastated that Playboy has stopped showing girly pictures now that she is in her prime, Shabby swims 2km x 3 times a week, runs to work (8km) more often than not, and there are unconfirmed rumours that Shabby now owns 6 bikes and gives weekend seminars to the SAS trainers on how to smash the human endurance barriers on extreme mountain bike rides.
I don't know the truth but I do know Shabby hasn't eaten a slice of bread since May and she recently laughed hysterically when I innocently offered her a Caramello Koala.
The official call on Shabby is she is a dead set certainty to finish.
Nobody knows more about pain than Johnny "Bags" McInerney
Working closely with Crouchy for the past 3 years, it is clear nobody has more capacity and stamina for pain than Bags. His endurance makes the hike up Everest look like a walk in the park.
Up hours before dawn most days doing 1,000 push-ups and still wearing the little blue ribbon he got for coming in first at the Byron Bay (sprint triathlon), Bags burns through 5 pairs of shoes a month in training.
Bags has upgraded his ride to an "ultra-high-performance, carbon-fibre, super-premium, mortgage-your-house-to-buy-this-once-in-a-generation" bike. Even the guys from NASA are seeking to talk to him about it.
Always coming first during training, we are sick of him citing passages from the Lance Armstrong Autobiography and claiming his wins are "not about the bike", but instead it's just his "destiny"... Whatever Bags! "The Force" does not run deep in your family.
But it is true Bags has been transformed. He has been consumed by an alternative universe of compulsive cycling. More additive than ICE, Bags is often seen in the office in Lycra and always gets in the face of our couriers citing his time and how to make them deliver faster; pulling out STRAVA to show who is KOM (That's an elite athletes only joke... but for most of us who have no idea... it's King of the Mountain).
Make no mistake Bags is a MAMIL (Middle Aged Man In Lycra) who is ready to rumble. Be warned this man is lean and mean, like a tiger.
Which brings us to...
This couching tiger (no not a spelling error on the famous "Crouching Tiger" - we actually mean "couching tiger"), or more accurately purring fat pussy-cat, has gone with a radically alternative approach to training.
As opposed to the more old school techniques like riding and running, Crouchy's preparation for the race has been focused on high-altitude visualization of his success. He adopted a very progressive anti-Paleo, all-carb diet with raw chocolate on demand.
Look, it may work in his favour. Carrying an extra 10kg may give him a lot of energy on the day. But let's call a spade a spade. Sending back the official tri-suit because he couldn't squeeze his fat butt into a medium-sized suit is not a good omen for any elite athlete, especially a vertically challenged human like Crouch.
Total km run this year: 12 (that's not a typo. Crouchy's Achilles is tighter than a liquidator's wallet at a classy restaurant).
We are told the guys at Sports Bet are refusing to accept bets on Crouchy finishing, citing that nobody would be that stupid to put skin in that game. Sadly, no insurance company will offer life insurance either.
But let's stay positive. Should Bags, Shabby and Crouchy tie for 1st, not only will we storm the podium, but also make the team for the RIO Olympics.
Join us and sing along:
"WE ARE GOING TO RIO
RE E OH
RE E OH"
Or, better still... let's remember that we are all doing this for a good cause - The Smiling for Smiddy Charity. So, be inspired and DONATE TO OUR TEAM before the triathlon this coming Sunday (1 Nov) and watch for the results in the coming weeks!
Crouch Amirbeaggi: "Smiling for Smiddy" (Donate here)16 June 2015 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
The Byron Bay Triathlon, 9 May 2015
T minus 176 days until the real race day
(That's only 253,440 minutes)
The journey (to Noosa triathlon) continues...
In a land far far away, our intrepid wanna-be Olympic course triathletes, Shabby, Bags and Crouchy attacked the inappropriately named sprint course at Byron Bay with vigor and aggression.
As you expect from our intrepid elite athletes, they attacked the Byron Bay course with laser precision focus, glamour and style.
Yes, just like Cathy Freeman in Sydney 2000, Shabby unveiled her new tightly fitting professional onesie tri suit. ("Does my bum look big in this???" Cue silence from the boys, who turned their attention to an ant on the ground.)
Bags chose to wear his extra small lycra shorts and no shirt from 8am, citing his desire to be ready for the lunchtime start...
The course comprised:
750 metre ocean swim
20 km bike ride;
5 km run to the ice bath.
Sounds simple enough.
Shabby can't swim.
The ocean was heaving, the current swift and water dirty. The day before the race, a shark had bitten the leg rope off the surf board of one of Crouchy's mates while surfing just in front of his beachfront shack (no, seriously, it's true). So Shabby was absolutely crapping herself when she saw a rock, fish or another swimmer in a wetsuit.
Crouchy had double-booked the weekend and had long abandoned the idea of training for a triathlon and instead focused on a wee holiday in Nepal (again, it's tragically true).
Bags was clearly suffering pre-race jitters. He had shed 10kg since training commenced at the start of the year, and was so confident of winning his division that he had flown his Brazilian girlfriend to Byron Bay and demanded his parents also be in attendance to witness him fulfilling his destiny and claim a little blue ribbon. With this sort of family pressure it was understandable he was getting all antsy pre-race and your favourite liquidators were a bit relieved when he put on his headphones, an old tie die t-shirt to seamlessly fit in with the smelly local hippies and started entered a deep tantric trance enabling him to visualize his success.
At precisely 12:08, the gun sounded and Bags pushed over a skinny 16-year-old unsuspecting kid, stepping on his back as he charged into the water with arms swinging like the incredible hulk.
We have no idea what happened next in Bags's race. Bags was gone like grease lightning. Two hours later we did find him looking fresh as a daisy, smelling a treat and hanging out with his girlfriend and family with a blue ribbon around his neck.
Crouchy elected to avoid starting with Bags and all the other men doing the sprint race and instead chose to surround himself with dozens of glamourous and nervous women. He claimed he would swim beside Shabby... but we remain suspicious of his true intentions because he was seen handing out a newly waterproofed business card to all and sundry.
The race highlights follow: -
For Crouchy, it was watching Shabby dead last at the first swimmer marker, stop to abuse him when he politely said about 150 Olympic triathlete men, who started 5 minutes behind the ladies, were about to swim over the top of her.
Instead of swimming, Shabby abused Crouchy, which sounds simple, but she's Persian and those of you who understand linguistics will know that Farsi is a difficult language and while their swear words sound beautiful, they are very long and take some time to conclude.
In this instance, it took the first half dozen swimmers to run over Shabby before she decided to continue plodding towards the safety of the first marker.
Final results: -
Bags finished 9th in his group of 14 and 74th from the 101 male starters with a time of 1.35
Crouchy finished last in his age group and 94th overall (yes 7th last) with a time of 1.55.
It is noted that leading insolvency lawyer James Marshall briefly shared an ice bath with our favorite liquidators. He finished 10 minutes ahead of Crouchy but cites this was solely due to a flat tire which cost him 20 minutes... (Whatever!)
Shabby finished 8th in her age group of 10 and 60th in the chicks' group of 73 with a time of 1.52.
Please show your support for cancer research by donating.
Crouch Amirbeaggi: "Smiling for Smiddy" (Donate here)30 April 2015 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water...!!
Things are looking serious now, with modelling for that modest team trophy shot (copies available) in anticipation of a great finish.
Stepping up the training a notch, Team SoS will be active participants in the upcoming Byron Bay Triathlon on Saturday 9 May (the first real triathlon). Apparently, it's all about the transition...
Good luck team! Please show your support for cancer research by donating.
Crouch Amirbeaggi: "Smiling for Smiddy" (Donate here)1 February 2015 | Nicholas Crouch
Let the games begin! The team at Crouch Amirbeaggi have set themselves a big goal this year - to raise money for the Smiling for Smiddy charity to help fund cancer research whilst doing their first ever triathlon (The Noosa Triathlon).
The team consists of Nick Crouch ("Crouchy"), Shabnam Amirbeaggi ("Shabby"), and John McInerney ("Bags").
"There's a few challenges here," says Shabby. "I can't swim very well and until Sunday, I had never been beyond the point where my feet couldn't touch the sand."
The team name is "Swim o Shabby" ("SoS"). Crouchy and Bags are both confident that they will finish with record PB's (1.5km swim, 40km ride, 10km run). Shabby just wants to make sure she doesn't drown doing the first leg of the race.
The team started training today with a 1km ocean swim, participating in the Cole Classic at Manly Beach.
Follow the journey of SoS through the year as we approach 1 November 2015 when team SoS takes on Noosa, and please show your support for cancer research by donating.
Legalwise seminar: "Bankruptcy Practice: A Review"24 March 2014 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
Last week, Shabnam Amirbeaggi presented a very well-received talk at a Legalwise live web seminar at the University of New South Wales. The seminar was entitled "Bankruptcy Practice: A Review". Shabnam was one of three speakers invited to give presentations at the seminar, aimed at practising and studying bankruptcy practitioners.
Shabnam Amirbeaggi featured in INPRACTICE magazine4 September 2013 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
"As hard times push many companies to the brink, businesses offering pre-insolvency services are snagging more clients. Accountants need to look out for warning signs that a company might go under."
Managing partner of Crouch Amirbeaggi, Shabnam Amirbeaggi, has been featured in an article by Christopher Niesche about illegal phoenixing for the industry magazine, INPRACTICE.
Read the article here.
Shabnam Amirbeaggi invited to give talk at library event26 August 2013 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
As a result of her appearance on the cover of INTHEBLACK magazine earlier in the year, Shabnam Amirbeaggi was invited to address an assembly of university students at Darlinghurst Library, speaking about her career and professional successes. The talk was hosted by global education provider, Study Group.
INTHEBLACK article: "Insolvency - why breaking up is hard to do"12 July 2013 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
"At a time of record business failures, learning what to watch for is highly recommended."
Shabnam Amirbeaggi has written an article on the warning signs of insolvency which has been published in this month's INTHEBLACK magazine.
Read the article here.
Shabnam Amirbeaggi on the cover of INTHEBLACK magazine5 April 2013 | Shabnam Amirbeaggi
Our managing partner, Shabnam Amirbeaggi, has been selected as one of the 40 Young Business Leaders of the year for 2013 in the CPA's official magazine, INTHEBLACK, and also features on the cover of the special issue.
See her feature entry here.